Jindal, Alabama Governor Wager Funds vs. Bryant’s Remains

Governors Bobby Jindal and Robert Bentley (of Alabama) have placed a friendly wager involving federal funds and the remains of legendary Alabama football coach Paul “Bear” Bryant on the outcome of the BCS National Championship Game.

Jindal agreed to give Bentley $50 million in federal matching highway funds if the Alabama Crimson Tide beats the Fighting Tigers of LSU in the Mercedes-Benz Superdome on January 9. However, if the Tigers prevail in the title game, Bentley will sign an executive order to exhume Bryant’s remains and turn them over for perpetuity to the state of Louisiana.

Political analysts believe it’s a win-win bet for Jindal.

“If he loses the bet, he bolsters his stance as a fiscal conservative by rejecting money from D.C.,” LSU political scientist Wayne Parent said. “And if he wins, he gets the Bear’s bones, thus virtually guaranteeing that he’ll be remembered as the greatest governor in Louisiana history.”

[pullquote]“If Jindal gets Bryant’s remains, he gets control of the Bear’s life force, or as the Hindus call it, “˜prana,'”[/pullquote]

Parent also believes that, while Jindal is a practicing Catholic, he may use his family’s Hindu background to help further exploit possession of Bryant’s remains if LSU wins.

“If Jindal gets Bryant’s remains, he gets control of the Bear’s life force, or as the Hindus call it, “˜prana,'” Parent explained. “And without the Bear’s spirit on their side, Bama doesn’t stand a chance against LSU ever again, thus ensuring eternal domination of the SEC West!”

Parent then added, “Maybe I shouldn’t have watched that Poltergeist rerun last night.”

About Tony Swartz

Tony is proof that you can write Peabody-worthy news without ever darkening the halls of journalism school.

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