Elon Musk, Building His Own “The Onion,” Partners With Louisiana to Reach Nation’s Lowest Common Denominator

Visionary Elon Musk knows that if you want to reach the top, you have to work your way up from the bottom. That’s why the serial entrepreneur reportedly has his sights set on the shitshow known as Louisiana, investing heavily in the state’s laughingstock.

The Tesla and SpaceX CEO is creating a new media company similar to The Onion with a humorous and sarcastic twist that aims to cross all spectra and become a favorite of Internet dwellers.

To do this, Musk hopes to develop content that resonates with the absolutely lowest common denominator reader and is looking to Louisiana, which consistently ranks 49th and 50th nationally in whatever you’ve got, to be the project’s launching point.

“It’s pretty obvious that comedy is the next frontier after electric vehicles, space exploration, and brain-computer interfaces, and Louisiana is a pioneer,” Musk noted while pointing out that the state’s shape hilariously resembles a toilet and starts Louisiana off with a joke before anyone even says anything.

According to inside sources, Musk is in talks to partner with the Louisiana Satire Network, a reputable-sounding alliance of dirt-poor media organizations that includes Baton Rouge’s The Red Shtick, Lafayette’s The Daily Crawfish, Houma’s The Push Pole, New Orleans’ Neutral Ground News, and Shreveport’s The Crayfish News. Combined, these outlets reach all 21,000 literate people in Louisiana and close to four million of the state’s 4.6 million total residents.

“Louisiana is filled to the brim with comedy gold,” said Musk, who has acquired nearly all the state’s laughingstock. “By 2030, my research team projects, comedy will be their biggest moneymaker, easily overtaking energy, tourism, and corruption.”

“We’re extremely excited to work with the hacks of Louisiana Satire Network. Bottoms up!”

According to a quick Google search performed during lunch break, the Louisiana Satire Network is the only one of its kind in the entire nation and provides an incredible platform for reaching a substantial number of people who absolutely love to laugh, mainly to stop from crying.

In building his newest venture, Musk managed to get Editor in Chief Cole Bolton and Executive Editor Ben Berkley to leave The Onion and join him for the ride.

“To be successful, we need to reach the nation’s lowest common denominator, and Louisiana is as low as you can go — in fact, the state is sinking, so it really makes sense,” Bolton said. “We’re extremely excited to work with the hacks of Louisiana Satire Network. Bottoms up!”

Don Kiebels, Editor in Chief and Snappy Dresser of New Orleans-based Neutral Ground News, thinks the partnership’s success will run as deep as his city’s potholes.

“The Louisiana Satire Network created the industry standard for laughs. If it works here, it can work anywhere,” Kiebels said.

Jeremy White, publisher of The Red Shtick, shares his colleague’s sentiment and believes there is real potential to change the future.

“We’re proud to partner with Mr. Elon Musk on this worthwhile project,” White said. “If an alleged billionaire can become president by catering to the lowest common denominator, imagine what a real billionaire can accomplish by doing the same.”

According to inside sources, Mississippi came in a close second to Louisiana in landing the partnership. However, Musk was unable to locate the state for a visit, instead finding only a nondescript Land Mass between New Orleans and Mobile.

Mr. Musk: Contact/throw cash at the Louisiana Satire Network here.

 

 

What Do You Think Of This Shtick?

About Editorial Staff

Editorial Staff
A random collection of overqualified, underachieving smartasses.

Check Also

Trump Pardons Dr. Octopus After Plea for Clemency by Emma Frost

Following a meeting with superhero mutant Emma Frost, President Donald Trump pardoned the noted supervillain Doctor Octopus of myriad crimes dating back to 1963.