by Mikel Albagdadi and Jacob Humphreys
Tenured weatherman and local cool guy Pat Shingleton has announced that he will retire from his post as WBRZ’s chief forecaster at the end of the month.
Shingleton said he’s decided to hang up his hairpiece because he’s tired of pretending to forecast unexpected changes in the atmosphere.
“I’m sick of getting rain on my toupee,” Shingleton explained.
In an effort to stay busy after retirement, the former game show host plans to launch a weather app called Pitter Pat, which he said will constantly update old-timers on weather changes in Louisiana.
The app will essentially be a live stream of Shingleton’s everyday life as he experiences the weather firsthand. He’ll also remind users when to take their arthritis medication.
Shingleton said Pitter Pat will include features designed specifically to cater to the needs of old farts, such as a Life Alert button to help ensure that his fan base lives to pay for another month of service.
A subscription to Pitter Pat will cost $25 per month, and the app is not Samsung-friendly.
When asked about the high price, Shingleton responded, “Poor people don’t need to hear about the weather.”
Shingleton said Pitter Pat will include features designed specifically to cater to the needs of old farts, such as a Life Alert button to help ensure that his fan base lives to pay for another month of service. The app also will have few but very large buttons, allowing users to rest their tired old bones.
Piccadilly Restaurants has partnered with Pitter Pat and will host meet-and-greets once a month. During those meetings, Shingleton aims to teach his users how to navigate the app and blow their noses quietly. There also will be bingo.
The Pennsylvania native recently did a test run of his app at the 5:30 a.m. YMCA aqua aerobics class to glowing reviews. Local knitter Ethel Huggins, who just turned 92, couldn’t contain her excitement.
“I love Pat Shingleton!” Huggins exclaimed. “I used to listen to his music back when things were separate but equal.”
Meanwhile, local geezer Betsy Roseman remarked, “Can you tell them to turn down the AC?”
Shingleton said he knows his fan base is literally dying, which is why he’s started to make a big push on social media in an effort to attract a younger audience. You can soon find him on Instagram, Snapchat, and even Twitter, where he plans to post annoying tweets about global warming under the handle “@MrMakeItRain.”
He also said he plans to start vaping.