The Trump administration has tapped New Zealand’s premier digital effects company, Weta Workshop, to handle President Donald Trump’s growing hair issue.
“After unfavorable footage showing the president’s hair problem went viral, we knew something had to be done,” White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said. “And we’re not going to hire those hacks that ruined Justice League by trying to remove Henry Cavill’s mustache. Weta was not only willing to do the work but has the capability to make anyone look presentable.”
When asked if a wig or hairpiece would be a less expensive solution, Sanders shook her head in disappointment.
“I wish it was that simple,” Sanders explained. “The president’s head has rejected all forms of lesser hair follicles. While scientists don’t have a term for this, President Trump’s head simply doesn’t want substandard work. Only the hair of blonde, pure Republicans will satisfy its hunger, and frankly, that’s getting harder to find.”
“We’ve even brought in Andy Serkis to motion capture every hair that will be used.”
Weta Workshop has been known for creating brilliant characters and fictional sites for the big screen since 1987. However, this project will certainly be their toughest to date, according to cofounder Richard Taylor.
“We know how important hair is to Trump, so we have nothing but the best people working on a solution,” Taylor said. “We’ve even brought in Andy Serkis to motion capture every hair that will be used. While this may take us months, maybe years, we won’t let the president down.”
While most are seeing this as an unnecessary expense for U.S. taxpayers, loyal Trump supporters are standing behind their president.
“Trump can do whatever it takes to make him look presentable,” accountant Mary Nemmits insisted. “It probably wouldn’t hurt for them to take a bit off the belly, as well.”
The president was delighted to hear about the progress being made on making him look beautiful.
“Finally, the world will get to see me as I want to be seen,” Trump tweeted. “Think Fabio, but with more muscles and more chicks. My hair will be beautiful. All the other leaders will be so jealous.”