Police: Advocate Webmaster Person of Interest in Serial Killings of Area Browsers

The man in charge of The Advocate’s notoriously clunky website has been identified by police as a person of interest in an ongoing series of internet browser killings.

Baton Rouge police said they wish to speak with Carl Dufresne to find out what he knows about the myriad area browsers that have been killed during his tenure as the newspaper’s webmaster for the past six years.

Baton Rouge Police Department spokesman Sgt. L’Jean McKneely said investigators have stopped just short of naming TheAdvocate.com as a suspect in the browser deaths. However, he added that they continue to gather evidence that seems to point to the annoyingly ad-laden website as the primary culprit in a spate of browsercides over the past several years.

“At some point, it stops being a mere coincidence that so many browsers have died shortly after coming across The Advocate’s website.”

“Internet Explorer, Google Chrome, Firefox, Safari, Opera, you name it: Hundreds — maybe thousands — of Baton Rouge browsers have met their demise, many of them while interacting with The Advocate’s website,” McKneely said. “At some point, it stops being a mere coincidence that so many browsers have died shortly after coming across The Advocate’s website.”

McKneely said investigators hope to get enough information from Dufresne to file charges in the serial killings.

Many worried, Baton Rouge area web surfers are cautiously optimistic authorities soon will be able to halt the reign of cyberterror currently plaguing them and their browsers.

“I hope they do something about that damn Advocate site,” Mid-City resident Paul Moser stated. “I’m doing everything I can to steer clear of that monster. It’s done popped an ad up in my browser’s ass for the last time. I just hope they get that thing off the web before it kills somebody else’s browser.”

 

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About Tony Swartz

Tony Swartz
Tony is proof that you can write Peabody-worthy news without ever darkening the halls of journalism school.

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