Gordon McKernan Buys Diesel Driving Academy for Phone Number

The law firm of Gordon McKernan Injury Attorneys has reached an agreement to purchase Diesel Driving Academy, primarily to acquire the truck driving school’s phone number.

“That phone number is their most valuable resource, mainly because Diesel Driving Academy ran that TV commercial with the catchy jingle for years,” McKernan said in a press conference earlier today. “We tried making it easy for folks to remember how to reach us by using nothing but eights in our number, but it became clear that if we wanted brand recognition, we needed someone else’s.”

Area residents don’t seem all that surprised by the seemingly unlikely acquisition of a driving school by an injury attorney, mainly because of how easily they can recall DDA’s number simply from the spot that ran ad nauseam on local TV years ago.

McKernan said 99.7% of Baton Rouge residents his firm polled could immediately recall 1-800-551-8900 over any other phone number, including 911.

“I have a hard time remembering my husband’s birthday, but that Diesel Driving Academy number is burned into my skull,” electrician Mary Timst said. “It wouldn’t surprise me if I accidentally dialed it instead of calling my parents.”

McKernan said 99.7% of Baton Rouge residents his firm polled could immediately recall 1-800-551-8900 over any other phone number, including 911.

“That’s surprising, because we were hoping for a clean sweep. But that’s OK. Once we get that number on 80% of the billboards in town, we’ll get that perfect score.”

The deal also includes DDA’s physical assets, which McKernan said he has plans for.

“Expect huge changes at these schools,” he explained. “We aim to reduce accidents while increasing brand awareness. We’ve even updated the obstacle course to include a bunch of Gordon dummies for the trainees to avoid. We also will use E. Eric Guirard crash test dummies, and there’ll be plenty of Gordon hood ornaments for the big rigs. We are really excited about how much of me we can put on a truck.”

Meanwhile, McKernan’s purchase of the academy has angered other prominent, local injury lawyers.

“We’ve been trying to best DDA in commercials for years,” Spencer Calahan said. “We didn’t realize we could have just bought the number. But don’t worry, we won’t make that mistake again. We’ve already got guys looking into purchasing the 811 ‘Call Before You Dig’ number, and I think we’re making progress.”

 

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About Robert Rau

Robert Rau
Considered a poor man's Pat Sajak, Robert is a mild mannered state employee by day, entertainer by night.

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