Statue of Liberty Checks Into Battered Women’s Shelter

After nearly a century and a half of welcoming immigrants seeking refuge in America, Lady Liberty has sought refuge for herself.

The Statue of Liberty has stepped down from her famous pedestal on Liberty Island in New York Harbor and taken up residence in an undisclosed shelter for battered women, where she will remain indefinitely.

The world’s most iconic symbol for American liberty checked into the facility following myriad attacks on ideals represented by the sculpture, as well as repeated abuses of power by President Donald Trump and his administration, according to those closest to her.

“This administration injured Lady Liberty — a first-generation American who emigrated from France — by viciously maligning immigrants, just like the very ones she has proudly beaconed since 1886,” Statue of Liberty National Monument and Ellis Island Superintendent John Piltzecker explained. “President Trump has assaulted her symbolism by persistently eroding trust in American institutions like the Justice Department and a free press.”

“Rob Porter’s ex-wives aren’t the only ones who have been victims of domestic abuse by this president and his staff.”

After much urging by her caretakers, the copper statue decided she would no longer “just stand there and take it,” according to Piltzecker.

“Rob Porter’s ex-wives aren’t the only ones who have been victims of domestic abuse by this president and his staff,” Piltzecker said, referencing the former high-ranking White House official who stepped down after photos were published showing Porter’s former spouse sporting a black eye.

Piltzecker added that perhaps the most troubling aspect to this story is how GOP members of Congress have turned a blind eye to the abuse inflicted on the historic monument.

“What really pisses me off about this are all the Republicans who have looked the other way while Trump and his team kept beating the hell out of her.”


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About Tony Swartz

Tony Swartz
Tony is proof that you can write Peabody-worthy news without ever darkening the halls of journalism school.

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