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Study: Prematurely Migrating Birds Too Stupid to Realize Climate Change a Hoax

Migratory birds are arriving at their breeding grounds earlier than they previously did because they’ve bought into the liberal lie that global warming is real, according to researchers at Liberty University.

In examining the findings of a University of Edinburgh study showing rising global temperatures are prompting birds to migrate sooner, scientists at the Lynchburg, VA, school founded by Jerry Falwell have concluded hundreds of species of birds simply aren’t able to understand climate change is not actually happening.

The Liberty University scientists analyzed the Edinburgh study — which researched centuries-old records of 413 species across five continents — for approximately 30 minutes before reaching their conclusions regarding avian gullibility.

The “myth of man-made climate change disseminated by leftist environmentalist alarmists and their allies in the liberal media” is endangering the progeny of these birds.

“They’re obviously buying into scare tactics put forth by the radical, godless, liberal agenda,” surmised Dr. Paul Sattler, a professor of biology at LU who led the half-hour study. “Why else would they arrive at their summer breeding grounds early when they might not be able to find food and nesting places?”

Sattler explained how the “myth of man-made climate change disseminated by leftist environmentalist alarmists and their allies in the liberal media” is endangering the progeny of these birds.

“This conspiracy to convince the entire world that humans are killing the planet is prompting birds to migrate prematurely, which in turn affects the timing of laying and hatching eggs, as well as their offspring’s chances of survival,” Sattler stated, adding, “Their little bird brains simply don’t have the capacity to comprehend global warming is a hoax and that God has this all under control.”

 

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About Tony Swartz

Tony Swartz
Tony is proof that you can write Peabody-worthy news without ever darkening the halls of journalism school.

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