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Dudley DeBosier Employees Required to Pick All No. 4 Seeds to Make Final Four in NCAA Brackets

In their quest to encourage more people seeking injury attorneys to dial the number 4 seven times, the Dudley DeBosier law firm has mandated all of its employees pick all four No. 4 seeds in the NCAA men’s basketball tournament to make the Final Four when filling out their brackets.

“Four isn’t just a number; it’s a way of life,” injury lawyer and firm partner Steven DeBosier insisted. “And we want our employees to use that number as much as possible to permeate the public consciousness.”

Since 1979, No. 4 seeds have made it to the Final Four only nine percent of the time, producing just one national champion (the University of Arizona Wildcats in 1997), but that doesn’t discourage DeBosier.

“Our goal has never been to be popular or good at sports,” DeBosier explained. “Why do you think we became lawyers?”

“My favorite band is 4 Non Blondes, my favorite movie is Fantastic Four — the Jessica Alba one — and I eat nothing but for-tune cookies for dessert. It’s like working for a Batman villain.”

The company mandate to defy logic and empirical data while making tournament bracket picks forces Dudley DeBosier employees to ignore favorites like Kansas and Villanova, and instead pick the teams that will lose to them in the Sweet 16.

“Every year, our hopes get up during the first week of the tournament,” Dudley DeBosier attorney Peter Ellis said, “only to be crushed by the end of the second weekend. We might as well not play, but we get so many requests to join leagues for the easy money.”

Dudley DeBosier’s obsession with the number four doesn’t just stop at phone numbers and NCAA bracket picks. Employees who integrate the number four into their lifestyle have consistently been given more promotions.

“I do what I can to get ahead,” Ellis stated. “My favorite band is 4 Non Blondes, my favorite movie is Fantastic Four — the Jessica Alba one — and I eat nothing but for-tune cookies for dessert. It’s like working for a Batman villain.”

Ellis has seen this edict affect his home life, as well.

“I have three kids, with one on the way. The wife and I were worried this pregnancy could have been twins, but thank goodness it wasn’t. It would have been tough to give one up for adoption,” he said.

When asked if he’d consider working for another firm, Ellis replied, “No way am I working for Gordon McKernan. Four kids is rough, but eight is a horrifying thought,” he said, referencing McKernan’s 8-filled phone number. “Maybe Spencer Calahan, because his phone number is just gibberish.”

 

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About Robert Rau

Robert Rau
Considered a poor man's Pat Sajak, Robert is a mild mannered state employee by day, entertainer by night.

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