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Trump Can’t Stop Tweeting National Secrets: “Holy Shit! Aliens Are REAL and They Are EVERYWHERE!”

Just weeks into his presidency, Donald Trump has tweeted information considered sensitive out to the world at an alarming rate.

“Holy Shit! Aliens are REAL and they are EVERYWHERE!” Trump tweeted yesterday. “You wouldn’t believe how many, like ALOT.”

While this information alone would cause a national panic, this is just one of numerous tweets previous presidents never would have posted, choosing instead to leave America in the dark about highly classified information.

“That Jurassic Park movie? Totally real,” Trump also tweeted. “And Dinosaurs look totally different. Think more legs. I’ll get a picture soon.”

“If this doesn’t make me popular, I don’t know what will. I’ve got years of tweets lined up, fracking to Betty White, nothing’s off limits.”

Despite the numerous breaches of trust, a Pentagon official assured the nation that Trump won’t do this anymore.

“It’s a lot of information for the president to comprehend,” Phyllis Daily said, “and we expect this kind of reaction. He just needs to get this out of his system.”

Daily seemed apologetic regarding the fact Trump still has unfettered access to a possibly unsecured smartphone with internet access.

“It’s our fault the president still has access to a device that would allow millions to view what we’ve spent a lifetime trying to secure,” she stated.

Despite the avalanche of damning material now made known to the public at large, from flu shots (Monsanto) to hurricanes (whale farts), America has not yet devolved into a state of panic.

“Keep ‘em comin prez,” Twitter user GrrreatAgain69 tweeted back. “What’s up with ghosts?”

Many have speculated as to why Trump felt it necessary to shower the public with all this information, but the surprisingly open president tweeted, “If this doesn’t make me popular, I don’t know what will. I’ve got years of tweets lined up, fracking to Betty White, nothing’s off limits.”

The most recent poll shows Trump’s popularity has been unaffected by this candid attitude, placing approval of the president around 31 percent and steadily decreasing.

“He can say all he wants; he’s still a dick,” Trump critic Mac Stillman said. “This can’t make up for years of shameful acts he’s committed. I don’t even know why I voted for him.”

 

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About Robert Rau

Robert Rau
Considered a poor man's Pat Sajak, Robert is a mild mannered state employee by day, entertainer by night.

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