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Red Cross Tips on What to Do After a Tornado

The American Red Cross has issued some useful guidelines on what you should do following a tornado strike. Take heed if you and your loved ones are affected by a twister.

 

1. Stop freaking the fuck out. There’s probably another storm coming that’s even worse.

 

2. Jump in the car and hit that new boutique on College Drive. Nobody’s going to be on the road right after a tornado.

 

3. Cellular companies typically give cost breaks after storms so loved ones can check on each other. Whatever. This is prime time for downloading the shit out of shows on Netflix.

 

4. Garage sale, bitches!

 

5. Get a fresh tattoo and/or have unprotected gay sex to get out of donating blood. Ewww! Fuck that.

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Editorial Staff
A random collection of overqualified, underachieving smartasses.

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