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White Louisiana Man Comes Out, Admits to Voting for Hillary Clinton

A white man from Louisiana has come out of the closet, sort of, to admit that he voted for Hillary Clinton.

Although he has just now gathered the courage to make this startling admission, he has declined to release his identity or allow his photo to be published for this story, for fear of being ostracized by his white friends and associates. He has not even told his white wife, who, before the election, threatened to set his testicles on fire if he didn’t vote for Donald Trump.

The man, an independent who describes himself as a moderate, says he lives in constant fear of being exposed and derided as a “whiny baby,” a “pussy,” a “libtard,” or, even worse, a “Democrat.”

“OK, I admit that Trump scared me, and I wasn’t ready to make the plunge into demagoguery. Call it fear of the unknown, if you will. But does that make me a coward?” he asked.

The lifelong white Louisiana resident — who only recently discovered that most of his Facebook friends and relatives were neo-Nazis — described his lonely existence.

 

He also made another shocking admission: When quizzed by an automated phone survey before the election, the gentleman said he gave the false response that he would be voting for Trump rather than admit his true intentions.

“What if the computer taking the survey was calling from Louisiana? I just couldn’t have taken the embarrassment of one of those computerized voices laughing at me over the phone,” he explained.

While every other white person in his office was celebrating Trump’s historic Electoral College victory, the Clinton voter masked the fact that he was scared shitless by the thought of a Trump presidency.

“I was afraid I might not be viewed as a true team player,” he said.

The lifelong white Louisiana resident — who only recently discovered that most of his Facebook friends and relatives were neo-Nazis — described his lonely existence in a state whose flag portrays a pelican feeding its young but would more accurately represent its inhabitants with Mossy Oak.

“I have found two or three white women in Louisiana who find Trump odious, but as of yet, no other white man,” he claimed.

The man vowed not to give up hope, and spoke of perhaps forming a support group of white men who could share their fears and frustrations.

“Perhaps we could meet at the library.”RedShtick-Top-ColumnStop

 

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About Antonio Winnebago

Antonio Winnebago
"When you remember that we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained." - Mark Twain

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