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RUMOR: Is Jay Dardenne Immortal?

After his stay in the hospital due to a heart attack, one question has been on everyone’s mind: Is Commissioner of Administration Jay Dardenne, in fact, an immortal? The speculation has been around for some time, but recent events have brought the idea to the forefront of local political scandal.

Dardenne, a well-liked figure in many circles, has all the signs of potential immortality and other supernatural abilities. Have you ever seen Dardenne looking into a mirror? Have you ever seen him and Dorian Gray in the same room? Haven’t you noticed how he’s never publicly denied supporting the supernatural beings that haunt the night?

Combine all that evidence with his recent stint in the hospital, and the puzzle pieces fit together all too easily.

I don’t dislike Commissioner Dardenne, and I don’t want this to turn into a literal witch hunt for his head, but the people of Louisiana must be told the truth. If Jay Dardenne has been alive for centuries and is using his vast knowledge accrued in that time to further his political clout, then, by God, the people have a right to know!

I’m only asking for Jay Dardenne to tell the truth, and so are the other three guys who believe my theory.

 

Hell, people might be more likely to be on his side if he’d just be forthright about his magical powers and inability to fear death like the common man. Maybe the fine folks living here in Louisiana would appreciate a politician who wouldn’t lie about where he comes from in life. Perhaps we’ve all been waiting for a leader whom we can count on to look out for not only us but also our great-grandchildren.

I’m only asking for Jay Dardenne to tell the truth, and so are the other three guys who believe my theory.

It is unclear at this time what type of immortal being Mr. Dardenne might be, but early speculation leads me to believe he is most likely a vampire or a rougarou.

I’ll have more on this story as it develops.RedShtick-Top-ColumnStop

 

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About Evan Rabalais

Evan Rabalais
Evan Rabalais is a standup comedian from Baton Rouge, LA. He also knows how to read and write, which his parents are more proud of.

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