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HERO HIGHLIGHT: PETA — Champions of Big Baby Penis

The folks at People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals have a well-deserved reputation for employing controversial tactics and shocking publicity stunts to convince people to quit eating meat. The backlash created by their extreme methods, however, oftentimes is so severe that it overshadows the intended point, meaning countless potential converts to the vegan lifestyle are too distracted by the methodology to appreciate the message.

A recent PETA campaign against consuming meat, however, is so well done, it’s enough to win over even the most hardcore of carnivores.

The animal rights group late last month tweeted a video featuring crying male children and the statement “eating chicken can make your kid’s dick small.”

Citing a study linking phthalates — chemicals used in packaging that can migrate into chicken flesh — to stunted fetal development, the video also states “a mother’s poultry consumption during pregnancy correlated with her kid’s penis size. The more chicken consumed, the smaller the dick.”

PETA_chicken-kids-peckerObviously appealing to every expectant mother’s deep-seated desire for her son to be born with three baby arms, the video concludes with the caveat, “Worried about the size of your kid’s pecker, moms-to-be? Don’t eat chicken!”

This is nothing short of a brilliant strategy by PETA, especially considering many critics see the group as an extremely feminist-friendly organization. What better way to attract the average, not-so-progressive, meat-eating male than by appealing to good old-fashioned machismo, and its inherent insecurities about genital size, with the assertion chicken consumption leads to small cocks? Giving up meat for more meat is an idea even the staunchest of carnivorous alpha males can get behind.

PETA's right. Your son does deserve better. Put down that drumstick for the sake of his dipstick.
PETA’s right. Your son does deserve better. Put down that drumstick for the sake of his dipstick.

 

Furthermore, what mother doesn’t want to crow about her son’s massive pecker? What father doesn’t want his newborn son to be endowed with a schlong so substantial, nurses blush with embarrassment at the site of it, and the delivering physician momentarily confuses it with the umbilical cord?

So kudos to PETA for coming up with a campaign that could get even Col. Sanders to turn against chicken.RedShtick-Top-ColumnStop

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About Editorial Staff

Editorial Staff
A random collection of overqualified, underachieving smartasses.

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