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SPHINCTER SPOTLIGHT: Pamela Anderson – Vegan Prison Meal Peddler

Sphincter Spotlight

Actress, activist, and real-life blow-up doll Pamela Anderson is lobbying Gov. John Bel Edwards to make life infinitely more miserable for Louisiana prisoners by serving them all-vegan meals.

The Canadian-born former Playboy Playmate of the Month must not realize the U.S. Constitution expressly prohibits cruel and unusual punishment.

In a blatant attempt to exploit the state’s nearly billion-dollar budget shortfall to promote her sadistic culinary agenda, Anderson wrote a letter to Edwards claiming that serving all-vegan meals to prisoners in the state’s corrections system would save Louisiana $620,000, according to People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.

Really? Since when did Whole Foods become cheaper than Shopper’s Value?

While Pamela Anderson may be a spokeswoman for a group that promotes “the ethical treatment of animals,” she apparently doesn’t give two meatless shits about the ethical treatment of prisoners.

“Beans, rice, lentils, pasta, potatoes and other vegetables, and oranges and other fruits have all the nutrients a person needs but at a fraction of the price of meats and cheeses,” Anderson asserted in a letter, as detailed by a PETA news release last week. “There would also be enormous savings on freezer costs and spoilage since most vegan foods and ingredients can be shipped and stored without refrigeration.”

Pamela AndersonYou know what would be even more enormous than any savings realized by switching to all-vegan meals? The cost of mobilizing National Guard troops to quell the all-out prison riots when inmates learn they’re only getting all-vegan meals.

While Pamela Anderson may be a spokeswoman for a group that promotes “the ethical treatment of animals,” she apparently doesn’t give two meatless shits about the ethical treatment of prisoners. When hardened inmates spend hours lifting hundred of pounds of weights to help ensure they aren’t victimized by other, bigger, stronger inmates, they’re probably banking on having post-workout meals with a little more muscle-building protein than kale and quinoa.

Anderson may say she wants to take meat out of prison meals, but forcing all inmates to go vegan will all but guarantee countless inmates will get even more meat in their diet than they want. Whether it’s tubesteaks, beef whistles, or hairy hot dogs, meat will find its way into untold prisoners’ mouths. If they’re lucky.

Of course, the former Baywatch star has tried to seem magnanimous by offering to personally cook and serve a lunch for the inmates. However, if Anderson really cared about their well-being, she’d give the prisoners tossed salads. There’s no doubt they’d prefer that over her tofurkey.RedShtick-Top-ColumnStop

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Editorial Staff
A random collection of overqualified, underachieving smartasses.

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