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SPHINCTER SPOTLIGHT: Derek Myers – David Vitter Harasser

Sphincter Spotlight

David Vitter is the most respected, universally beloved leader in the history of America, and Louisiana is damn lucky to have him as a U.S. senator, and possibly as its next governor.

That’s why we’re absolutely appalled by a report that a so-called “journalist” dared to accost Vitter with persistent questions about his history with prostitutes and his alleged relationship with a woman named Daysha Scott, whose Twitter handle is @LuvMy_Kisses.

Derek Myers — whose Twitter profile says he’s earned the nickname “bulldog” in the newsroom … by the tender age of 23 — said he was fired Tuesday from his job at WVLA NBC 33 several hours after confronting Vitter in the parking lot outside the secretary of state’s office.

Derek-Myers-Bulldog-Twitter-profileAs the highly esteemed senator was leaving the office where he had just officially qualified for the governor’s race, Myers viciously brutalized Vitter with needless queries about the “serious sin” he committed years ago and admitted to one day after being implicated in a D.C. hooker scandal. The unscrupulous Myers also apparently shoved a picture of Scott in Vitter’s lovable face and asked if he knew her, simply because Vitter tweeted her in 2012 from his official, verified Twitter account.

First of all, how dare Myers ask the honorable Sen. Vitter if he knew a woman, whether casually, biblically, or otherwise. What on earth or the internet would prompt a reporter to ask David Vitter about his relationship with a woman other than his wife?

Either David Vitter did not actually have sex with prostitutes or he’s a dickless man who has been incapable of engaging in sexual activities for nearly a decade.

How dare Myers ask Vitter about a deleted Tweet mentioning a young woman with the handle @LuvMy_Kisses. Who hasn’t accidentally typed in @LuvMy_Kisses and hit the “Tweet” button? It’s almost as if Myers thought Vitter intentionally tried to contact Scott via a private Twitter message but inadvertently published a public tweet to her instead. When have you ever heard of a member of Congress being stupid enough to do something like that?

How dare Myers ask Vitter about his involvement with hookers. Vitter’s wife, Wendy, settled that matter even before the 2007 hooker scandal broke. In a 2000 interview with the Newhouse News Service, she predicted she’d behave less like Hillary Clinton and more like Lorena Bobbit if her husband cheated on her.

“I’m a lot more like Lorena Bobbitt than Hillary,” Wendy Vitter said. “If he does something like that, I’m walking away with one thing, and it’s not alimony, trust me.”

So, if we’re to believe Wendy Vitter — and who would ever doubt what any member of the Vitter family ever says — either David Vitter did not actually have sex with prostitutes or he’s a dickless man who has been incapable of engaging in sexual activities for nearly a decade. Either way, there’s no need to ask about his involvement with prostitutes.

How dare Myers ask Vitter such questions — or any questions at all. If Vitter wanted to be asked questions, he would have participated in the first gubernatorial debate, televised the week before on LPB. As it stands, Vitter has earned the right not to be bothered with questions by virtue of his $15 million campaign war chest. Some might classify that as “fuck you money,” which means he’s got enough of it to rightfully say “fuck you” to anyone who dares question him, like Myers.

Vitter has earned the right not to be bothered with questions by virtue of his $15 million campaign war chest. Some might classify that as “fuck you money.”

How dare Myers claim he was fired after Vitter called Myers’ station manager and threatened to pull all of his campaign ads, thus prompting Vitter’s spokesman, Luke Bolar, to call Myers’ allegations “1,000 percent false.” How dare he force Bolar to employ such a hyperbolic denial that screams “Thou doth protest too much.”

ross-mathews-peoples-choice-awards-2015How dare Myers call himself a “bulldog.” People who call themselves that shouldn’t look and sound like Ross Mathews.

How dare Myers inject himself into the story after only three weeks on the job in Baton Rouge? That’s the shtick of several other local, slightly more respected TV reporters who have been trying to out-self-promote each other for years.

So we say “good riddance” to Derek Myers, whose obliviousness to David Vitter’s quasi-sacred infallibility is rivaled only by his own lack of self-awareness.RedShtick-Top-ColumnStop

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About Editorial Staff

Editorial Staff
A random collection of overqualified, underachieving smartasses.

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