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SPHINCTER SPOTLIGHT: Rep. David Moore – Yoga Pants Hater

Sphincter Spotlight

What red-blooded American man doesn’t enjoy seeing a bunch of fit women in yoga pants waiting for coffee at Starbucks?

Montana state Rep. David Moore. That’s who.

Last week, the Republican from Missoula introduced House Bill 365, which would have expanded the state’s indecent exposure law to include any garment that “gives the appearance or simulates” a person’s buttocks, genitals, pelvic area or female nipple, according to the Billings Gazette.

Moore told the Montana House Judiciary Committee that, under his proposal, tight-fitting beige clothing could be considered indecent exposure. He specifically mentioned just beige because there are apparently no black people in the entire state of Montana.

“Yoga pants should be illegal in public anyway,” Moore said after the hearing.

Under his proposal, tight-fitting beige clothing could be considered indecent exposure. He specifically mentioned just beige because there are apparently no black people in the entire state of Montana.

A few days later, after the internet blasted the ever-loving crap out of Moore for being a complete tool, he pulled the classic dickwad move of claiming he was joking, despite The Associated Press insisting he seemed totally serious when their reporter asked him about that statement … twice.

Rep. Moore thinks this should be outlawed. Dick.
Rep. Moore thinks this should be outlawed. Dick.

Even if he was joking about yoga pants in general, HB 365 wasn’t a joke. … Actually, on second thought, it was a joke of a bill, which is why it was unanimously tabled the next day without discussion, and that’s only because giggling doesn’t count as “discussion.”

Let’s just say it wasn’t a prank. It was a bona fide bill filed by Moore with the intent of creating actual law that would’ve outlawed all sorts of common types of clothing, as well as ban any nipple exposure, including men’s. Perhaps Moore is tired of being that conspicuous guy who always wears a shirt to cover his moobs when he swims and wants all men to have to wear shirts in public, whether they’re swimming at a public pool, doing yardwork or jogging around the neighborhood.

Yet while Moore sought to ban all exposed nipples, regardless of gender, he got immediate blowback from a female colleague who expressed concern that his provision prohibiting garments showing the outline or appearance of only female nipples unfairly targeted women.

Basically, this asshole tried to outlaw headlights, but only on women. Lord knows women never get cold, especially in Montana.

Meanwhile, guys nipping out through their super-snug Affliction shirts? Moore’s totally cool with that.

Thankfully, there are no black people in the state who might end up playing football for a team with black uniform pants.

If Moore admittedly wanted to outlaw flesh-colored form-fitting clothing, we can’t help but wonder if he thinks cops should arrest swimmers and divers who wear the wrong color Speedos, or ballet dancers who don flesh-tone tights. Thankfully, there are no black people in the state who might end up playing football for a team with black uniform pants.

With the help of a retired professor, Moore initiated the drafting of HB 365 after the Bare as You Dare nude bicycle event rode through downtown Missoula last summer, which upset some folks.

So naked cyclists ride through town, outraging a few residents, and Moore responds with a bill that would outlaw clothes? Here’s a tip for Rep. Moore: Naked people on bicycles have literally nothing to do with yoga pants, Speedos or any other kind of tight clothing. Literally nothing.

Moore doesn’t need to wear a pair of bicycle shorts for us to see that he’s a huge dick. Even fully clothed, he managed to show his ass.RedShtick-Top-ColumnStop

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About Editorial Staff

Editorial Staff
A random collection of overqualified, underachieving smartasses.

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