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SPHINCTER SPOTLIGHT: Gonzales Police – Harassers of Mentally Handicapped Councilman

Sphincter Spotlight

Gonzales police are shamelessly targeting an obviously mentally deficient city councilman by charging him with offenses he clearly isn’t capable of comprehending.

Their latest incident of harassment of Gonzales City Councilman Timothy Vessel came this past Tuesday, Election Day, when police issued him a citation after he was photographed pedaling an oversized tricycle adorned with political signs too close to multiple polling places.

Police claim he was well within the 600-foot electioneering-free zone, where political signs of any sort are forbidden, when he parked across the street from East Ascension High School and rode past Gonzales City Hall, both of which are voting precincts.

Just because he was elected to the City Council by the people of Gonzales doesn’t mean he has the mental capacity to understand how elections and calendars work.

However, common sense would tell them that a grown man pedaling around on a three-wheeled vehicle with political signs probably doesn’t grasp the concept of 600 feet, the nuances of voting laws, or even the fact that Tuesday was Election Day.

“Wait a minute. This ain’t even an election year,” Vessel reportedly told police when they informed him that he and his signs had been too close to the polling sites.

See? The poor imbecile probably thought all those campaign ads he saw on TV were commercials for a new sitcom starring Bill Cassidy and Mary Landrieu.

Just because he was elected to the City Council by the people of Gonzales doesn’t mean he has the mental capacity to understand how elections and calendars work. Nominal intelligence is not a prerequisite for seeking elected office, especially in Ascension Parish, which makes the signs Vessel was pedaling around with even more surprising.

They weren’t campaign signs for any races being decided Tuesday. They were signs urging people to vote for Vessel, for fellow Councilman Gary Lacombe, and against the recall effort against them on Dec. 6.

What a disgrace. The Gonzales Police Department’s persecution of Vessel has infected the attitudes of the citizens of Gonzales to the point that they’ve grown intolerant of the mentally handicapped and no longer want Vessel on the City Council.

The man has obviously diminished mental faculties, which precludes him from comprehending that electricity is not free “shockey magic” produced by “wall wizards.”

Gonzales police began harassing the feeble-minded Vessel nearly two years ago, shortly after he took office, by charging him with “stealing” his neighbor’s electricity. They claim Vessel plugged an extension cord into a neighbor’s outlet to run the power tools being used to repair Vessel’s home, which had no power because it had recently burned down.

Again, the man has obviously diminished mental faculties, which precludes him from comprehending that electricity is not free “shockey magic” produced by “wall wizards.” It also explains how he can’t not occasionally burn down his house.

So shame on Gonzales police for picking on an idiot man-child who managed to become a city councilman despite his glaring mental deficiencies. He should be given an ice cream cone and a push on his tricycle, not a misdemeanor summons.RedShtick-Top-ColumnStop

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Editorial Staff
A random collection of overqualified, underachieving smartasses.

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