Oil Industry Offers to Pay for Removing LA Coast

Illustration provided by the American Petroleum Alliance.

Off the WireSaying there’s not much land left anyway, some of the world’s largest oil companies have offered to transform the southern third of Louisiana into a sprawling coastal lake.

Industry representatives claim the newly created lake would significantly improve safety, reduce the costs of shipping and mineral extraction, and benefit the environment with a vast marine biome.

“You don’t have to worry about shipwrecks and spills if there’s nothing to run into.”

“It’s not that difficult to grasp. You don’t have to worry about shipwrecks and spills if there’s nothing to run into,” says Richard Gainey, spokesman for the American Petroleum Alliance. “This is better for American consumers, and the industry is happy to pick up all the costs.”

Illustration provided by the American Petroleum Alliance.

Illustration provided by the American Petroleum Alliance.

Gainey indicates the huge lake would offer untold benefits for both humans and sea life.

“Hurricanes would take longer to make landfall, which means more time for preparation,” according to Gainey. “Plus, fish would have more places to get away from all the dead zones in the Gulf of Mexico. It’s a win-win scenario for everyone, courtesy of America’s oil and gas industry.”

Gainey says that instead of barrier islands, the giant saltwater lake would be formed by a string of petroleum rigs and platforms, a feature that some people might find quite pleasing.

“It would be more uniform, which is great for people with OCD,” he says. “Instead of land, water, land, water, it’s just water.”RedShtick-Top-ColumnStop

What Do You Think Of This Shtick?

Facebook Comments

Authors

Related posts

One Comment;

  1. Joseph O'Brien said:

    Very funny, the only problem is some people will take this seriously. “Well, I read it on the internet, so it MUST be true!”

Comments are closed.

Top