NFL Demands “Ethnically Clean Zone” During New Orleans Super Bowl


The National Football League is insisting the area around the Mercedes-Benz Superdome be free of “dregs, savages, and the genetically inferior” during this year’s Super Bowl.

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell told New Orleans Mayor Mitch Landrieu to provide an “ethnically clean zone” extending one mile in all directions around the Superdome or risk not getting another Super Bowl as long as he’s in charge.

“We can’t very well invite the world to a city replete with violent, untamable savages and inbred, genetic freaks without taking such measures.”

The league has called for a force composed of hundreds of NOPD officers, National Guardsmen, and secret police members to sweep the area “street by street, door by door, purging the zone of its feral, subhuman infestation, preferably by force.”

Goodell said the ethnic cleansing is necessary to help protect the NFL’s brand.

“We can’t very well invite the world to a city replete with violent, untamable savages and inbred, genetic freaks without taking such measures to help mitigate the immense, inherent risk to Super Bowl visitors,” Goodell said.

Goodell explained that while fans from Baltimore are used to living in a city with more than its fair share of lowlifes and degenerates, it pales in comparison to the Crescent City.

The commissioner said the city’s purification is only temporary, insisting that those individuals rounded up in the sweeps will be “released back into the wild” in the days after the big game.RedShtick-Top-ColumnStop

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  1. Gary said:

    What if the “dregs, savages, and the genetically inferior” have tickets to the game? Many may be legal residents of the zone inpacted. Rodger, I hope you get you @$$ sued off.

  2. Hitler1939 said:

    Herr Goodell. I commend you. Personally, I could not imagine entering a city that is befouled by heterogeneous hordes of subhumans and mongrels! I also commend your tactics and policies in keeping your slaves, er, players in line. NFL Uber Alles! Auf wiedersehen!

  3. Paul Bahm said:

    Just who does Roger Goodell thinks he is? This sound like Nazi German, to me secret police Roger. Did I wake up in German 1938?
    I’m pissed over this I sent an e-mail to the NFL Players Association and ask for a reply over this “Ethnically Clean Zone”

    You can’t just go around putting poor people in jail because they are poor. I know a lot of people who live paycheck to paycheck.

    united we stand!

  4. prettyp225prettyp225 said:

    Baltimore fans should be used to clutching their purses and walking the streets with degenerates, crack heads, whores and killers? You don’t have HBO? Have you ever seen The Wire?

  5. Jezebel Begonia said:

    Are you people for real? Have you not read anything satirical before? This is a play on the actual “clean zone” in which the NFL restricts any commercial advertising or signs within a certain radius of the dome. It is meant to dissuade companies from saturating the area with those cheap temporary signs that seem to sprout up around election time.

  6. kyledudley said:

    This is like, an injustice man. I don’t see how he can do this. I mean, what happened to the constitution?????????? Where is like, the United Nations or something when we’re being oppressed????? Stop the tyranny!!! More like Roger Good-day Sir!!! If I was from New Orleans, I’d be like, What the hell man!!

  7. Fred Kadiddlehopper said:

    Brad, not to be argumentative but your the only one that sees Goodall’s comments as being “satirical”. I pray you are correct in your assessment.

  8. Anthony Kolesa said:

    Ummm, am I the only one concerned here? Not about the content of the article, but about how many people missed obvious satire? Trollolololololo

  9. Tawkin2ya said:

    “Jezebel Begonia”…you gotta LOVE that name. I commend your creativity AND your comments!!!

  10. meddie01 said:

    Try googling “the Red Shtick” it is a satircal. I thought the same thing you did at first. No one else is writing about this. If it was true I think more of the media would be writing and talking about it.

  11. Richard Scalzo said:

    It’s SATIRE. You’d believe anything you see in print obviously.

    Are you concerned you won’t be allowed near the game?

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